I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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