do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize