why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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