some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
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