The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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