just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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