Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
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