Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
not ubering you a puppy
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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