halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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