Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
