Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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