so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
