I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
