i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
