listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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