Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
