I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
