Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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