he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
