Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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