well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize