Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
