She's JV to your varsity
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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