If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
