there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
