This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize