Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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