Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
