Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
