it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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