Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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