It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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