I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
