Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He did a backflip because drugs
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
