I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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