dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
