I cockslap morals
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
