it wasn't lemon gatorade
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
