Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
