The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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