Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize