we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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