So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
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