I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
