seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
