I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Can I color on your dick again?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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