I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
