like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
