and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
