I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
