I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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