can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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