Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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