im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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