Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
