Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
