Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
