Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
