she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
