Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize