"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
