WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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