We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I want a musical about memes.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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