They should really pass out barf bags in church
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
