Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize