I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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