I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize