We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
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