Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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