think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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