we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
