Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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