a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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