just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
