The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
