upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
