The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
