Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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